struggle

All posts tagged struggle

One young woman’s second attempt at blogging

Published December 21, 2014 by Dreamreflector

First of, lots of love to everyone who’s stuck with me even though I haven’t posted anything for what seems to be at least a decade. Even if you just haven’t bothered to delete my blog from your reader because there’s no harm in it being there, or simply forgot you were following this blog in the first place, thank you for bearing with me. I have been missing this blog and all you lovely readers, but I’m sure you all know that life just gets in the way of things sometimes.

This Fall has been mentally and physically really tough on me. My task for this period was to write my Bachelor’s thesis. Although I did manage, (sent it in just this Friday), it really took a toll on me in many ways. Firstly I was at the computer a lot, obviously reading articles and writing, which gave me crazy headaches and shoulder pain (I can’t seem to hold my posture while on the comp, in fact I’m scrunched up like a used napkin right now).

Because the work was done solo, I spent a lot of time at home, which made me feel lonely and frustrated, not to mention that leaving home became incredibly difficult. I had terrible mood swings, and I ate really badly too: when you sit on the computer doing the same thing for say, eight hours a day, it’s very easy to just forget to eat, besides, if you do remember, since you’ve been doing barely anything for weeks, you get lazy and won’t see the harm in living on bread and popsicles.

The feeling of loneliness was enhanced by the fact that a friend with whom I had been very close with during the last semester seemed to be giving me the cold shoulder. She didn’t show it in an obvious way, but it still felt like she was avoiding me. We used to spend alone time together at least once a week in the Spring, but as Fall came I found our time together growing shorter, eventually leading to a point where we would only meet when there was a bigger get-together. I tried asking her for coffee, attempted to pry out some details about how her life was going, but obviously something had changed for her. I am still wondering what happened, I really miss her.

I have always been one to get stressed easily, and the bachelor’s thesis caused me a lot of it. I am usually very conscientious in the work that I have to do, and will deliver best if not pressured. But since this property seems to be a rare thing among my fellow students, a lot of pressure was put on us to finish our theses. Thanks to this, I was very stressed and anxious for a very long time, which can’t be a good thing either.

To top all this of, my grandpa, whom I really respected, admired and loved, passed away less than two weeks ago. It was quite sudden, and I was about 400 kilometers away from him, so I didn’t even have a chance to say goodbye. Needless to say, I am still sad about losing him.

However, as Christmas is coming and my thesis is (at least almost) ready, I feel it is time to leave the struggles of the Fall behind and start with a clean slate. I have retired to my parents house for the holidays and have some free time again, so I felt like this might be the time to revive this blog. I’ll try to post something at least once a week. Still, this blog is, as it always has been, primarily for me, and I am not going to place any pressure on myself about this. I don’t need, nor deserve it. 

Tommorrow I will finally put an overdue end to the adventure in Lapland -series, and then move on to something else.

Although I haven’t had it easy lately, I am proud to say I still believe in dreams. I do wish you’ve kept your hope alive as well! C:

Feel

I took this picture last Friday, exactly a week from my grandpa’s passing. It’s some thin ice that has been cracking and freezing again. I can’t specify why, but I feel that this picture captures perfectly the mood I’ve had during this silence. What do you get from it?

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